Vipassana
It’s May 2nd and I’m sitting cross-legged with a taupe fleece blanket covering my head, my feet, and my identity. From the outside, I am a chess-piece, wooden and lifeless. Inside, my knees ache from hours of acute angles and rigid posturing, my back upright and still, chin lifted and eyes closed. In the dimly-lit hall, 70 other pawns silently sit on a chess board of blue mats, legs crossed and identities equally shawled. There are enough people in the room to field 7 baseball teams, yet the only audible sound is the muted inhale and exhale from an indiscriminate few. I open my eyes for an instant and glance around the room. It’s more oil painting than reality, surreal beyond a sunny day in Northern Auckland, and my heart is racing with anxiety.

A token Indian voice comes on the speaker and tells me to ‘reemain avhare, avhare’ of the breaths entering and exiting my nostrils as we finish out the session. ‘Patiently and persistently,’ he whispers, ‘and you are(d) bound to be successful, bound to be successful.’
After nearly 300 miles trekking, 17,000 miles in the air, and 8,000 on the pavement, we needed a break. We traveled to 8 countries in 9 months and toured New Zealand from top to bottom. We have learned organic farming and gardening techniques. We’ve juiced. We’ve watched sheep being sheered. In a few weeks, the United States would beckon in the all the ways we love and hate, by way of that wonderful catch-all of civilization: LA. So when we caught word of a 10-day silent retreat in northern Auckland, we jumped on it. It would be a perfect way to still our minds before Lady Liberty tips her torch in our faces to test our grit on the world’s stage.
We heard about Vipassana meditation from a friend of ours in Lake Hawea, near Wanaka. It was founded by an Indian named SN Goenka, who has been teaching the technique since the 60s. He is now world-famous and does teaching in all parts of the globe.
Vipassana is meant to be ‘non-sectarian,’ universal in utility, and grounded in nothing more than the individual and reality itself. We are Christians, so a 10-day retreat that isn’t based on God’s word sounded unusual, if not heretical. Even so, we prayed on it, talked about it, and even read reviews from other Christians expressing their thoughts and feelings on the practice. After all was said and done, we decided to go for it. It would be ten days to pray, to listen, to quiet our minds, and hopefully learn something new.
The retreat is set in locations all around the world, and is supposedly run completely on donations. Their conference building near Auckland is set in a beautiful little valley and is quite modern and clean with extremely good facilities for being 100% reliant on the generosity of past students.
Each student who attends the course gets their own private room, which is basic, but clean. During the course, one must follow a very strict policy of no talking, reading, or writing of any kind. For ten days, students must be silent, austere, and practice up to 10 hours of mediation per day, starting with a 4:00am wake up call for first session at 4:30am, finishing in a 9:30pm session in the evening.
In accordance with the rules, Meghan and I were disallowed from talking with one another, and we also had to refrain from eye contact of any kind. I wink at Meghan like twice a day, so this was, at the bare minimum, a challenge of self-control. The point of the retreat is a complete disconnect from society, for 10 days, to renew the mind through nothing more than heightened awareness.
We lasted two full days. It turned out that the techniques taught were extremely useful in quieting my mind, but completely against the belief that I have in Christ as my savior. Buddhism is about reaching enlightenment by practicing goodwill, being gentle, and working to ‘know thyself’ through hours and hours of meditation and self-reflection. The methods we were taught in the two days are not intrinsically wrong, but their ultimate goal is. The goal is to eventually become your own Buddha, to find heaven within yourself, to save yourself from the world.
From the beginning, we were determined to test our mettle and stick out the 10 days, but by the end of the second, Meghan and I made the decision, separately, to leave. Neither Meghan nor myself returned for the final session on the evening of day two because we were both so convicted about what exactly we were doing there. So we told our ‘managers’ and sat down together in a small room to discuss with a more enlightened middle-aged male who was a Goenka trainee and leader at the Auckland Vipassana. Without speaking or winking, Meghan and I had both made the decision to leave, and were going to tell the other as soon as we could. Yet we ended up being in the same room, and told the guy that our faith was in Christ, not in ourselves, and that we need not save ourselves from the world when we have faith in God.
Knees aching, we lifted ourselves up and drove away with no place to go but away. We ended up sleeping in Colin the Concerto that night, but despite the tough sleeping arrangement digs, we slept peacefully knowing we made the right decision to cut short our days at Vipassana. Reflecting on the previous two days, I firmly believe that Vipassana can only truly be for Buddhists. People of other faiths have something to learn, but will struggle keeping everything in line.





